Drew's Story - under construction

Thursday, May 9, 2019

The Little Red Wagon

A friend of mine gave us a collapsible wagon for my birthday. To "lighten my load" the card said. And it did. It was just a few months into Drew's treatment--he had just turned two, and the umbrella stroller wasn't cutting it anymore but I was kind of over the big stroller. I'd get Drew out of his car seat, set him right into the wagon. He'd be tucked in between my purse, his backpack with his feeding pump and formula, and his bag of medical supplies/diaper supplies/change of clothes and everything else. We'd wheel through the parking ramp and on to the elevators at warp speed because we never left anytime to dilly-dally before our appointments.

Drew would sit in there, and smile at everyone who would make eye contact with him (and some who didn't). Almost everyone would comment on his great little red wagon, or "cart" as some would call it. I'd thank them and explain a friend gave it to us and how useful it was. They'd politely not ask what was wrong with him which brought us here in the first place, but his bald head and feeding tube probably gave us away.

We'd get off on the good 'ole 16th floor of the Mayo building and as soon as I got us checked in, Drew would be climbing out of the wagon. He'd pull then his little red wagon around the waiting room--pausing to pick the next video on the screen or to pick a book from the rack the volunteers made rounds with. Others would smile at him and tell him how much they liked his wagon, making conversation with him. He'd beam proudly as he moved on (probably rolling over their toes) to the next set of people, fishing for more attention (I don't know where he got that 😉). This would continue until he heard his name called, "Drew Beck-y" he'd repeat when his name came across the intercom and make his way over to the door for oncology with a big grin on his face...


We used his wagon for appointments, at the hospital, during radiation, and when were out in other public areas that required a lot of walking. We'd haul things with it, even big sister who would occasionally ride in it. 

It entertained too. Drew would pull it and push it, manipulating it every which way as boys do in lobbies, courtyards and hallways while we waited. And we waited a lot. It was a big deal if we ever forgot the wagon or left it in the other vehicle!


That little red wagon was very much a part of our lives in 2016, and became a part of Drew's entourage. It was there when he was doing awesome, and there when he was the worst we saw him.


I still have it in the back of my van.  Transferred it when we traded the old van in last January.  It's a comfort to me, a reminder. Of Drew and all that we experienced with him in that little red collapsible wagon. I joke someday maybe it'll be in a Warrior Wagon museum as the "Original Warrior Wagon".

We had talked about giving similar collapsible wagons to cancer kids and their families after we were done. It was something we knew we wanted to pass on. We just didn't realize it would be so soon. As we gathered up other frequently used gifts to fill the first Warrior Wagon, we could feel it was what we were suppose to be doing. Passing on in one package some of the most practical and useful things that were given to us.

You see, Warrior Wagons really began in 2016. We were the first Warrior Family. Drew, the first Warrior. The community is who founded it with each gift they bestowed on us that year that has became part of our Warrior Wagons today.

As Warrior Wagons started to take off at Mayo, it was a welcomed venture--helping others, and helping ourselves just as much in the process. The little red wagon was now Warrior Wagons, and continued to "lighten my load"--this time my load of grief. If you've been with me on my journey through grief thus far through Drawing from Drew, you read along as we found purpose again, gained our footing, through this little project of ours. 

I'll always remember the time Molly and I saw a Warrior Wagon being pulled down the sidewalk on 2nd street the first year.  We spotted it between the clinic and the hospital, not knowing who the family was. The look on Molly's face as she put it all together (that was one of OUR wagons!). It was the same feeling I had inside. They were strangers, yet friends, because they were in one of our little red wagons, Drew's wagons ❤

I had the distinct feeling of Drew's presence as we drove by them that afternoon. I can't describe it any other way, but that I could feel his smile. And I get the same feeling when friends randomly send me "sightings" of Warrior Wagons around Mayo, it just makes my day.



The stories I've heard in the last 2 years of comfort, peace and comradery the Warrior Wagons have brought to their families have brought me to tears so many times. Each family's positive feedback stirring up a strange mix of joy and satisfaction, yet grief and regret that they even have to exist. That other families are going through what we did. It's an absolute shame, what these children and families have to endure. But, if we can make it a little easier, I'm thankful we can do it.

When we expanded to Minneapolis this winter--Warrior Wagons entered a new space, one that Drew never was a part of. Staff that didn't know him or us, but have agreed to let Warrior Wagons in. And now, Drew's there too. In the hospital play rooms and clinic hallways as they begin to fill up with little red Warrior Wagons, my Drew is a part of it. His life continues to make a difference in this world. Which means so much to a mother who longs so deeply for her son to be remembered, to see that his life mattered.


I am continually blown away by the support we receive. By way of encouraging emails, out-of-the blue online donations, groups requesting information for a collective donation, and even other organizations and businesses wishing to do fundraisers to benefit our Warriors! People's generosity and sacrifice is so beautiful. It daily reminds me that there is so much good still in this sometimes-awful world. That Love still does conquer all, and never fails.

There has also never been a shortage of people willing to support us with their time, skills, or abilities. Now with us out of the state, we rely on volunteers to do much of the ground work, and I've teared up many times at how willing people are to be a part of this project. I've learned over the last two years that there are many working parts involved in running a successful nonprofit.  So much more than meets the eye, and a lot more that is seemingly unrelated to the actual mission!

But it has to get done, and people always come through. It's been amazing to watch as our closest friends to casual acquaintances step forward and help out. God is sustaining and supplying us so abundantly, it leaves me in awe. I can see now that us moving away for a time has allowed others a chance to fill in. Which has been a great thing for Warrior Wagons and our community!

It's another way I see Drew's memory living on too, as his active memorial is bringing people together. Some of the very people that gave to us, who started Warrior Wagons in 2016 as I said through their generosity to our family, are now continuing to give to those that follow behind us.

And then those that have received a Warrior Wagon, are giving back themselves! The volunteer family making it happen in Minneapolis? They are a Warrior family! They received a Warrior Wagon last year for their son, who has since transferred his care back to Children's, where they're from. They felt so strongly about Warrior Wagons, and were so eager to be a part of it, that they pushed us over the last few hurdles to get operating up there.


This family has been through a lot, but are still enthusiastic about helping others. The little red wagon is now being passed on third hand in the Twin cities. How cool is that?


I had the privilege of meeting one of our Warriors in person when I was in Austin last week. His family was kind enough to make a donation to us, and I was picking it up. Since we've moved, it's been a while since I've met and chatted with an adorable little Warrior. He was so well spoken, playful, and patient as his dad and I talked. It was a delight to play catch with him and hear him giggle. With his little cho-cho NG tube sticker on his cheek, and fluffy baby-duckling like hair starting to come back in, he reminded me of my Drew. I wish I would have taken a picture with him!

And you know? It didn't make me as sad as you'd think. I was surprised at how happy I left their home that night. To meet this little boy I'd heard about, to remember my Drew, and to know that this little guy was riding around in a little red Warrior Wagon too. What a profound feeling of comfort and fulfillment, but not without the heartbreak for what this sweet little boy has had to endure, and what still lies ahead.


The reason I was back in Austin was for a speaking engagement.  I had the privilege of telling our story, sharing some truth we learned along the way, and explaining all about Warrior Wagons to a wonderful group of ladies at a nearby small town church.




I was giving speeches or presentations fairly regularly around Minnesota when we moved, but haven't since the fall. I'd love to get back into speaking again, as it felt wonderful to introduce people to my Drew! I lined up some other Warrior Wagon business when I was there, and it was so great to be hands-on once more. To be a part of the action, seeing our Warrior Wagons in real life again, discussing it with people face-to-face. I miss that. I miss begin able to take in what we are working so hard on.

But I might not have to miss it for too long. We have a meeting coming up with a big Chicago hospital. If the details get worked out, we soon may be giving Warrior Wagons to children and families in our new home. Expanding the impact of Drew's life even further. Supporting and helping more families with the wisdom and experience we paid so dearly for, whether we wanted to or not.

I think that's part of why Warrior Wagons has been so important to us. It brings purpose to our experience. It symbolizes more than just paying it forward, but overcoming tragedy. Living out our belief that because of the Cross, death never gets the victory, and it didn't in our family. I will never say Drew lost his battle with cancer. And even though our family sustained such a great loss, we surly did not lose either. Warrior Wagons is our declaration of that. And our way to encourage other families to have the same attitude.



I left Austin last week with my cup so filled with fond memories, hope and purpose. Little boys like my new friend Christian are having a little easier 'a time because of my little boy. Drew's life is making a difference in this world. People are coming together, sacrificing their time and resources to further this cause. A new city, a new branch of Warrior Wagons, may soon be born. God is using what the enemy meant to destroy us with for good--just like He promised (Genesis 50:20). I'm left so very thankful to be a part of such an amazing display of His power, provision, and love.


We're doing it, Drewy. Your sister and us--we are carrying on, moving forward, honoring your life just like we promised. I know you are with us, and with every little red wagon that has Warrior Wagons across the back!