Drew's Story - under construction

Monday, October 26, 2020

Life Keeps Moving On...



Its been a while since I've added a post on here, and its because we've been busy for a change! Well, okay, to be fair, we've had a pretty busy year actually.  But in a year that has forced us all to slow down our daily lives, our fall sure has been full! We've traveled a lot, seen new things, and experienced so much together.

Josh's Grandpa Norm passed into Heaven in early September. We gathered with family to celebrate his life in Iowa on a beautiful early fall afternoon. We were thankful to be able to hold a service during these times, and to remember his life marked by his very strong work ethic and devotion to his family.


He will be missed in our family, but we're glad that Drew has more relatives to entertain before we get there too 💗

Only two days after we got home from Iowa, we set off on a 12 day road trip to California and back!  Josh had business meetings at several different plants along the way and in California, and Molly and I decided since school was all-remote, we might as well tag along! 

We start by driving across much of Wyoming, and getting to Salt Lake.  Josh and Molly were excited to float in the salty waters.  I designated myself the photographer after remembering the flies and stink from when I was there with my family as a kid...


After staying a night in beautiful Provo where Josh had his first meeting the next morning, we headed on to Las Vegas, where we took a few personal days to show Molly our favorite city!








It was so fun to be out in the world again!  And to see Molly experience all the action and glitter of Las Vegas.  

But my heart still hasn't forgotten that we *all* weren't together, experiencing Las Vegas.  That someone was missing from the photos.  As always, sadness came with the joy we were having.  I found myself wishing frequently I could see the excitement and wonder in both of our children's eyes. 

We talked about him a lot, as we often do. He'd have loved the fire from the volcano show at the Mirage.  Molly wished out loud for Drew to be with us in the lazy river at the MGM pool so we could have had a longer train of innertubes as we floated along. And we all were struck instantly by the tree at the Bellagio atrium with the face on it.  Just like the "sleeping tree" at the Give Kids the World Village on our Make-a-Wish trip that Drew was obsessed with! 

 



So in a very real way, Drew was with us in Las Vegas, he just didn't show up in the pictures...

We moved on from Vegas west, through Nevada and Arizona, to California. We made it all the way to San Francisco the next night, and crammed as many tourist attractions as we could before the sun went down.  







Us Beckers are efficient! It was a tease of an afternoon, though.  San Francisco has so much to offer, and we just brushed the surface! We decided we'll just have to go back, and experience more of this fun city. 

After Josh finished his business in San Francisco, we made our way to Fresno via Hwy 1 along the California coast. Unfortunately, heavy fog rolled in off the ocean, but I captured some of the beauty before it was hidden in the fog.  



We spent a couple hours at the beach before we started back east. I forgot how cold the pacific ocean is along this coast!  But Molly didn't mind, digging holes in the sand and declaring her love for her family in the sand...



Being from Iowa, we loved the agriculture of the central California valley!  This was where Josh had more of his business meetings--with the almond growers here in Almond Country! But we saw from the road that it wasn't just almond groves around Fresno.  But grapes (for raisins we learned!), fruit, and other nut trees.  A big change from rows and rows of beans and corn in the Midwest!



This was where Molly and I had some downtime at the hotel while Josh worked.  Which was a welcome rest, before we headed back home. 

It took us two days of driving to get back home, but what a fun two days in the car it was!  The whole trip in the car was fun, actually.  This part of the country is so rich with changing landscapes. All along the way I was glued to the window, trying to take in all of God's amazing creativity in His creation.










You all know how much I love sunrises and sunsets--the ones from the road were pretty amazing to watch too!


It was fun to stop the car along the way too, and take in some of the scenic sights! 






Molly only ended up missing 3 days of school--our Vegas days--as she was able to attend "classes" and keep up with assignments from the car and hotel rooms.  The remote learning thing that we weren't too happy about, allowed us to experience so much together, without sacrificing school. And for that I'm thankful!


 
Yep, the first long Becker road trip almost couldn't have gone better.  Yes, the pandemic limited some activities, the masks cramped our style, but we made the best of it, and didn't let fear keep us home. Being out and seeing the country reminded us that the world continues to go on, the sun rises and sets in breathtaking fashion, despite what we may think after watching the news.  We can choose to sit at home and pout, be angry and blame others, OR we can make the most of this time, do what we can, and choose joy.  It worked for us in 2016, and it is working for us again in 2020!

Outside of our travels, we've continued to explore, settle into, and embrace our new Colorado home.  Molly started a hybrid model for school the week after we got back from our trip--so actually GOING to school has been a highlight for everyone. 


I've been able to get back into some of what had become my life staples, in addition to keeping the household running, including the gym and my women's bible study--in a remote format this year.


And of course, Warrior Wagons business!  Just keeping up with all 3 branches is a job nowadays, but we also got to do a few interviews/recordings this fall!



We're continuing to hit the trails, and hiked the flat irons near Boulder this fall. Which was more than we bargained for, but we all were proud of ourselves when we finished!




We were happy to have family friends from Minnesota visit us, and Molly couldn't have been more excited to host her first sleepover party with her cousins. She also is trying new things--like scootering around skate parks!




God has given our family a new life this fall too--making me an aunt for the first time!  My brother and his wife welcomed my nephew in September, Molly's first cousin on ether side of the family.  We're so excited for another Grove in the world! I'm sure there will be plenty more written about this wonderful little nugget, but for now, I'll just leave you with his adorable face 😘



Smoke from forest fires in the mountains continue to billow overhead many days, so when the sky is clear and the mountains are "out", its a real treat! On those days, we are seeing just how beautiful  fall is in Colorado.  Between the changing trees, the snowy mountain peaks, and the amazing weather, Colorado is really starting to capture my heart!






Molly and I made it to a pumpkin farm this October with some new friends we've made, and it was so fun.  Even though the smoke was so thick by the end of the afternoon it nearly choked us, it was a perfect fall day before that!  




This time of year is so wonderful, it's my second favorite season. But it is also a hard season ever since Halloween Eve of 2016 when we were absolutely crushed by the news that Drew would "probably not be a long term survivor". 

Unless you've been in that position, I don't think you can quite grasp how absolutely awful it feels to watch your toddler son enjoy the leaves, the fall parks, and Halloween, knowing it will be for the last time. I remember feeling sick, heart sick, trying to enjoy the moment and not wanting it to end.


 




As I sit here and look at his sweet face in these photos from our last fall together, and my eyes almost immediately fill with tears. The questions that I tried not to let dominate my thoughts four years ago, pop right back in today--how can such a precious child, full of life, be going to die? In the fall, all these questions and those feelings come back to haunt me.  The disbelief, pain, and pleading for it not to be true, crash back in like a wave. I remember asking God, my heart already breaking, how will I ever get through it, what will I ever do without my Drew?  

Oh, how difficult it was to struggle to accept that news, this time of year 4 years ago. Because he was so full of life, so innocent and sweet. I found myself looking at my baby, who I would have done anything for, and realizing I could do nothing but hold his hand for the last 11 weeks we had him with us.

Each fall as I wrestle with all of this, God reminds me how he can use the hard, ugly things for good.  The vibrant colors and refreshing cool breeze that define fall displays His power to bring beauty into the dying. He reminds me how magnificent it was to watch Drew love, laugh and live until his last day. How much I learned from him, how much my faith grew, and how I continue to do both since. 

As I sit here with those heart-wrenching questions in my head once again as I look at his sweet face, God also is reminding me of His faithfulness.  Of how He never left my side, as I sat by Drew's. And by His power and strength, I did make it though what I never would have been able to on my own.  Yes, my son did die, but we have found a way to not just exist without him with us, but really live, just like Drew did.  

I guess this blog post recapping our last couple months shows that.  I can find comfort, as this season brings back those painful memories of feeling completely helpless, that we are doing okay now, just 4 years later. Even better than okay!  Getting out and seeing the country, making new memories filled with joy and love.  I can have hope that whatever the future brings, God will continue to keep His promises of never abandoning us, and using all things for our ultimate good.

I wonder, how often does this same story play out?  Something truly devastating happens, something that totally knocks the wind out of you.  You wonder how you'll ever go on.  But, you do.  God can help you find your way again.  And once you get going, you welcome joy back into your life. There's such a relief, a hope in that moment. You have a new found strength and confidence that you can get through hard things. That next time if you just hang in there, and trust in the Lord, better days will be ahead.  

I have a feeling many of you have had this sequence happen in your life, and maybe even more will look back on 2020 and understand just what I mean. 

There can be great beauty in the dying. There is hope in the middle of the storm.  Just hang in there, relief is coming!  Joy will return, and it'll be so sweet when it does.