We have been talking at home about Drew's day coming up. And a week before, Molly asked what we were talking about. It wasn't his birthday, she pointed out. No, it's the day he died I explained, I wasn't sure what to call it.
"I think it should be called Drew's Glory Day, because it was the day he got his Glory in Heaven."
I love that Molly girl, I think I'll start calling it that too ❤
You all have seen what has happened since Drew's Glory Day, three years ago. We have done our best to keep the promises we made to him. Which were to always carry his memory with us, yet move forward with his sister as a family. To really LIVE our life to the fullest, not letting cancer take any more from us. To keep our attitude of thankfulness, and trust in the Lord. And to pass on all the kindness and generosity shown to us to those who would follow.
And as I say all that, I realize, we spent the three year anniversary of his death doing each of those things.
It happened that we had a Warrior Wagon to bring into the city for a new family at Lurie. I say happened, but I know God had this timed out perfectly, even sending a snow storm to ensure we'd take the wagon on Sunday to the family instead of Saturday like we had planned.
I can't think of a better way to honor his memory on the day he died then to gift another two year old boy and his family just beginning their journey with a Warrior Wagon, one of Drew's Wagons.
To me, each Warrior Wagon is a real, physical sign that Drew's life made a difference. That all he went through, all 1024 days of his life, resulted in something beside just a sad story. It is a privilege and an honor to carry on this legacy, to run this living memorial to our son every day of the year, not just this one. And as I watched that father pull the Warrior Wagon into the elevator to take up to his son, I felt such a peace and satisfaction that we are doing just what we are suppose to be doing, especially on that special day.
Then we walked across the street to the American Girl Doll store on Michigan Avenue. Molly had on her Christmas/Birthday list a *real* American Girl doll, not another brand's version. Being the practical folks many know we are, we gifted Molly the money for half of the doll at her birthday and told her like last year's Lego set, she could earn the other half by saving her money from her paid chores, and by picking up extras. We hoped to teach her the value of $100, and of working for something you really want.
Well she earned the last $2 by the weekend, so we told her when we were downtown we'd take her to finally get her doll. She was so excited, dressed and ready to go at 7:30AM!
The joy on her face as we entered the store, as she played with the display dolls, and took advantage of photo ops lifted our somber spirits after the Warrior Wagon drop off.
Molly brushed the doll's hair on the way home, and buckle her up next to her in the back seat. She decided to name the doll Mary. It was a day I know we'll all remember for a long time. We added a new memory to our life as the family of three we are today. It is us, moving forward, and making the most of each day--even January 19th. Showing that cancer and it's temporary victory hold no power over us!
After we had our nice time in the city, we were home by lunch. Us Beckers are efficient 😉 Josh didn't want to miss the NFL playoff games, and Molly was anxious to introduce her new doll to her others.
While I sat at the dining room table stamping envelopes I thought somewhat disappointedly, now this feels like any other Sunday afternoon. But, I thought, we all were happy, doing our usual weekend things.
The more I thought about it, it wasn't that long ago that a "normal" Sunday afternoon was something that I longed for. I had taken for granted "normal" before cancer barged into our lives, as many of us do, and remember when I could only hope I'd experience it again. It occurred to me that not even three years ago, I would have loved to have a normal Sunday afternoon at home with my family, getting caught up on my to-do list.
When Drew died we had just been through a year of constant hospital stays, doctor appointments, weekly lab draws, I hardly could remember what "normal" felt like. Even on the rare days we were all home together the medical care we had to provide for Drew was far from normal. Most families do not give injections to their two year olds while they watch Wheel of Fortune, or take temperatures every time they turn around crossing their flingers that it isn't over 100.3°. Filling feeding bags and flushing central lines daily is far from routine in any other house, but become that way in a family that is on a journey with pediatric cancer. I know many moms who may be reading this that know all too well just what I mean.
Three years ago as I watched my son's life end, I knew I was watching my life as I knew it end too. I remember the devastating realization that things would never be the same again. Not only for our family and our circumstances, but that I would never be the same again. What was going to be our new normal?
The first few weeks and months at home without our Drew felt like we were in a fog. A haze of questioning reality. A nearly constant battle between my heart that was still looking for him in his seat in my rear view mirror, or thinking it heard him crying out in the middle of the night, and my head that knew better. That understood he was never coming back. I know I wondered if it would ever feel normal again during that difficult period too...
So actually, maybe having a normal Sunday afternoon on Drew's Glory Day was really something to celebrate too I decided. Another way we kept our promises to Drew, and continue to show that cancer certainly did not win on January 19th, 2017.
So there it is, another year down, one more row done. One year closer to the big reunion. We've made it this far, we will keep marching on through His power and with His guidance!
I want to also say thank you to everyone who reached out to us over the last couple of weeks. It really means more than you know to have people remember. That someone cares and acknowledges our grief. Personal messages and texts, such heartfelt comments on my personal Facebook page/posts and on our Warrior Wagons post really do encourage us.
It's was wonderful to know that two different mass services were offered in Drew's memory on Sunday. We gratefully received cards and meaningful gifts in the mail, and a fun edible arrangement delivery too!
Thank you to so many of you that are still there for us. That follow this blog, even if sometimes it makes you cry. I am always thankful for the kind words and encouragement you comment and message me with.
