The park, eating meals out on our patio, going for walks on some local nature trails, ice cream runs at our new favorite place, and even hitting the pool this last weekend!
We already made a trip back to Iowa to visit family...
And attended the first of three family weddings this summer!
We have a lot ahead of us in the next 3 months. Soon after school gets out, Molly and I are going to visit some old friends in New Orleans and in Texas! I'm calling it Heidi and Molly's Friendship Tour😊 It will be so fun to rekindle friendships, reunite the kids, and see some new places together! Something we probably wouldn't be doing if things were different. But since we can, why not? #yolo
Then we have Corn Carnival in Iowa (a summer tradition of my parents' hometown), followed by a very big occasion in my family--my brother's wedding over the 4th of July weekend!
We plan to make a visit back to our hometown of Austin in Minnesota to see our family of friends before school starts again for Molly (Aug 14th!). And later in August my cousin in Colorado is getting married, and I have a girls weekend on the calendar in San Diego! Whew! We really couldn't have packed much more into the Summer of 2019.
It will be a wonderful season. A busy one! But full of family, friends, laughter, love, LIFE. Important moments, special celebrations, and no doubt, some regret at who isn't here to be a part of it all too.
In the last almost 2 and half years since Drew's been in Heaven instead of here with us, I've learned to expect the hurt along with the joy. That longing will be mixed in with the excitement. I now know that the more somber feelings don't have to overpower the good ones. I can be genuinely happy in the present, and a piece of my heart will always be aching for my baby boy. My head knows it's okay to enjoy life, but my heart will never stop missing my Drew.
As I think about, plan for, and get excited about all that the summer holds for us--experience tells me that it's wise to not push away the grief being stirred up. Spending some time allowing the tears to flow, for my heart to cry before these events are upon me, helps me to do better. I'll have released some of the sorrow, and therefore can be more present and embrace the joy of the moment.
So today, before Molly's done with school and becomes my shadow, I'm taking some time to do just that.
Even in the everyday moments this summer, I will be aware of what could have been, who is missing. I've shared before how Drew was not a cold-weather person. He never lasted long outside in the winter, but was the first one out the door in the warm months. Pushing his shopping cart down the sidewalks, sitting beside his sister as she drove the gator, running ahead to the playground at the park, making friends with anyone he could, even the neighborhood pets!
He only got one chance to swim in his older-toddler years. One week. On his Make-a-Wish trip in Florida, after we'd removed his central line, ended treatment, and let him be just a little boy again for the last 5 weeks of his life--he got to swim. And he loved it!
Oh, I miss that boy. I miss being his Mom.
I miss the two of them together. Even if I know they'd be fighting!
The day will come when I don't miss him anymore, because we are together again. Each week, each summer, we are one more closer to that day. And maybe then, I will see just how much he was a part of this busy Summer of 2019 after all. On the Friendship Tour right along with us. In each group of little boys playing. Smiling his big cheese ball grin in all the family photos at my brother's wedding. And right behind his big sister on the water slides...
