For The One

In case you didn't know, Grasping Joy is here! The publication date has past, meaning the book is "released", I'm officially a published author. In this first week people are asking how it feels. Am I so excited?

It's funny how it's been hard to answer. More like, hard to put into words how it feels. Yes! I am so happy to have the book completed. To have a copy on my shelf, next to the 3 drafts it took me to get there. I'm relieved, satisfied with the work I put into this big project. 

I'm excited to finally share the story--looking forward to people reading it and getting to know my Drew. Being inspired by his strength and trust. I'm prayerfully anticipating newfound joy to be realized by those who take the journey with me through 2016. I can't wait to be encouraged by the stories people share with me! 

Having the complete story in one place for our family to keep was one of the main goals for putting together this book. I wanted Molly, who was too little to remember much about Drew or his journey, to have a place to go to with her questions for the rest of her life. For my little nephews and niece to have a chance to know who their cousin was and all he braved.

We have it now, it's done. Drew's memory can be shared as a part of our family's story in a very tangible way. 

With the release of the book, I'm also filled with gratitude for everyone who's helped me to get here. I know I wouldn't have made it to publication without my friends and family who have been encouraging and praying for me along the way--all 4 and a half years. 

When I'd get discouraged writing, when grief became too much again, when I got just plain tired and wanted to quit--I had friends that reminded me of the other big motivation behind this book. If God can use our story to win over even one heart, I had to write it. If just one person reads this book and is saved for eternity, it'll be worth it all. Keep going Heidi, you may just meet someone in Heaven who will thank you for not giving up. 

And so I kept going. 

I'm thankful for the knowledgeable people and hired professionals that helped me through various stages of the process. It's taken a community, and in fact multiple communities, to walk with me through writing Grasping Joy, and I'll always be thankful. It's really an achievement for all of us! An example of what God can do with willing and hardworking hearts. 

As the first copies are being delivered, I feel nervous too. Revealing something you've poured yourself into for so long makes you a little anxious! Will people think it's good? Hopefully it reads well, isn't too much, doesn't seem amateur... 

Along those lines, I've also felt a little exposed, vulnerable maybe is the word? Obviously, I wrote it for people to read but when it comes down to it, sharing your doubts, your pain, your private breakdowns with the public is intimidating. Even when you think you're prepared, maybe a part of you will always feel a little awkward or embarrassed, knowing others will join you in your most intimate moments.

I really am appreciating all the excitement and enthusiasm from all of you. The encouragement and congratulations sent my way have been overwhelming. Personal messages, gifts, and public posts have brought not only a smile to my face, but in my heart. Up until now, this work has been very quiet and diligent, intense at times and even lonely as I wrote and edited and worked and designed and created in front of my computer. At least I had my Sneeky for most of that time!

So now to bring in everyone else and share this work that's been done, is a relief. The positive feedback, praise and encouragement feel so good!

But at the same time, I can't help but wish it was for a different reason. That this celebration didn't have to have anything to do with the death of my son. That any success I have doesn't have to feel like it was at my sweet Drew's expense. I will always wish that none of this happened to us in the first place, that I could have kept my little boy. I'd trade all the praise just to have my Drew back. 

My head understands the truth. Celebrating the completion of this book doesn't mean I'm happy Drew died. No, I can still hold grief and joy in the same place, and this is just another example of it. I am, in fact, honoring him by telling his story and sharing what we learned at such a cost. Giving his suffering more purpose, building on what he began. 

But sometimes it's hard, my heart still protests.

The last thing I'm feeling? Motivated. Excited for the work ahead. A new journey is beginning as I start off as an author for the first time. I guess by now I should know that that's always how it is--when one journey ends, another begins. From here, I'll be working to share my story with as many people as I can reach--knowing it's God who really is reaching people. I'll be contacting media outlets, submitting press releases, lining up interviews, and setting up speaking engagements. Trying to learn and keep up with social media and the website as an author in 2026.

Thankfully, God has been preparing me for this through the work I've already been doing with Warrior Wagons. Funny how He does that--uses things for more than one purpose.

If you haven't bookmarked my new website, please do! You'll see all the latest, get all the updates on Grasping Joy and my journey as an author. It's this blog's new home too! You'll find all the past blogs archived and see each new one posted. 

www.HeidiJBecker.com

This will be the last blog posted here. The site will redirect you to the new page soon, so don't be left behind! 

I am looking forward to seeing where God takes Grasping Joy. I've watched God work and been blessed to be a part of His plan before. It's truly the best feeling ever! I have all confidence He'll blow us away again, I'll just have to keep up.

And whenever I get to meet that one person that God used this story to save, I will know that the time and tears and effort was all worth it 💗

The Perfect Cover

One of the first things my publisher and I worked on together was designing the cover. The designer and I had a meeting where we got to know each other, and I shared about Grasping Joy. She hadn't read it on purpose, not wanting to come into the design meeting with any pre-conceived ideas. Instead, she explained that she likes to hear from the author their ideas and what themes are in the book.

To prepare for this meeting, I did a little recon work at the local Barnes and Noble. 

It's funny how browsing books on shelves hits different when you're trying to picture your book in the collection! I was kind of nervous, felt jittery inside as I walked through the novels, memoirs, and self-help books. But I started to have fun, and smile at the idea that I really am going to be an author. Still feels like I'm pretending!

In addition to getting re-energized to actually publish a book, I did leave with some ideas. I decided I liked images, not illustrations as much. I wanted a clean, colorful design. There were some covers that reminded me of themes in my own book that maybe we could use. Photos I knew I had from Drew's journey that may work to embody the book's message. It was a productive Barnes and Noble visit, and I didn't even get a coffee!

One of the themes I thought of was a road, specifically the lines on the pavement. It's a repeated phrase in the story, as I'm driving to and from the hospital a lot. Maybe we could do something like that?

Also, Drew liked to finger paint with the Child Life specialist. There are several times he finger paints in the story. Maybe the light background/splash of color aesthetic would work with Drew finger painting?

The book begins and ends with our Make-a-Wish trip to Disney World. Maybe a photo from those special memories would work well. I sent the designer a collection of photos from our time at Disney for her to possibly use.

She worked from the ideas and inspirations I gave her. Not too long later, she sent me back several options of directions we could go. 

The road idea:

Finger painting:

And she worked with a photo from our Disney trip that happens to be the closing scene--our ferry ride away from Magic Kingdom watching the fireworks display: 

It was exciting to see them all, and I liked different things about each one. But the fireworks image and the finger painting one stood out to me. I loved how the fireworks cover captured so much--our Disney trip, lights and sparkle in the darkness, and the love between father and son. It didn't show any faces, so it leaves the details of the story ambiguous. But is it weird that I, as the one telling the story, am not pictured?

But the bright white and fun colors of the finger-painting cover really struck me too. It felt more like a book I'd pick up, a book that was about joy. The proud mom in me loved that my Drew's face was on the cover. But does it give away too much? Would it intimidate some from beginning a book about a child that obviously has cancer?

I discussed all this with the designer and we came to a blend of the two. All the emotion and story with the fireworks cover, but with the aesthetic of the finger-painting one. We used a colorful photo of all four of us on a famous ride at Disney. Drew's face and sweet smile is included but not dominating. I could be pictured too, and Molly and Josh also will be on the cover. An amusement park ride could definitely symbolize the journey described in the book. As soon as I saw it, I knew we had it:

It was perfect. 

I hadn't cried yet in the process. Hadn't felt overwhelmed by the significance of this big step, creating the cover, or specifically touched by one of the designs. Until we landed on this one. Drew's sweet smile, the family all together, the bright colors and clean look--I loved it. And to see the title, and my name at the top--This really is happening! It's coming together. Praise God! Tears fell as I studied the final design. This was it!

I still remember that moment in January of 2016 well. We'd waited in line for not too long (thanks to our Wish pass) at the Dumbo ride that last day in Magic Kingdom at Disney World. I took a photo of the two of them, MY two, at the gate. I knew, I knew we wouldn't have him with us always.

Then we got on the ride, and the attendant must have seen me try to take a photo of Molly and Josh riding together. 

He asked me if I wanted a picture too, he could take one of me and my son. I happily accepted, and he snapped the photo, getting all of our family in it, actually.

The engine started up, and around and up and down we went. I watched Drew's enjoyment of the ride without really thinking about my own experience. I really was soaking up every smile, every sparkle in his eye that last day in the Magic Kingdom. And he was serving them up!

His time would be up 10 days after this photo. Ten days later, my Drew would be gone. And I'd have the rest of my life to wait before I get to see him, sit with him, watch him smile, again. It's still hard to believe sometimes. Just how fast he went, how someone you love so much and know so well can be just gone...

It's weird to think now that that moment, with Drew in the Dumbo car, Molly and Josh behind us, will be the face of his story. Our smiles and that scene will be what people look at right before they open the book and begin the story. It'll be what they gaze at as they close the cover while they follow along on Drew's journey. It's what they'll picture as they read about our family and my Drew in the last chapter, the last few pages of the book. I didn't know that day on the Dumbo ride just how many people would see us, be right there with us, in the future. Maybe I'd have fixed my hair a little better--ha! 

Funny how some moments we realize will be defining, symbolic of a chapter or a particular struggle. And then other moments just pass by but later will become something significant. 

This moment in Disney World, was both. 

Pre-order is now available! Find Grasping Joy on Amazon, my publisher's website, and wherever fine books are sold.