One of the first things my publisher and I worked on together was designing the cover. The designer and I had a meeting where we got to know each other, and I shared about Grasping Joy. She hadn't read it on purpose, not wanting to come into the design meeting with any pre-conceived ideas. Instead, she explained that she likes to hear from the author their ideas and what themes are in the book.
To prepare for this meeting, I did a little recon work at the local Barnes and Noble.
One of the themes I thought of was a road, specifically the lines on the pavement. It's a repeated phrase in the story, as I'm driving to and from the hospital a lot. Maybe we could do something like that?
Also, Drew liked to finger paint with the Child Life specialist. There are several times he finger paints in the story. Maybe the light background/splash of color aesthetic would work with Drew finger painting?
The book begins and ends with our Make-a-Wish trip to Disney World. Maybe a photo from those special memories would work well. I sent the designer a collection of photos from our time at Disney for her to possibly use.
She worked from the ideas and inspirations I gave her. Not too long later, she sent me back several options of directions we could go.
The road idea:
Finger painting:
And she worked with a photo from our Disney trip that happens to be the closing scene--our ferry ride away from Magic Kingdom watching the fireworks display:
It was exciting to see them all, and I liked different things about each one. But the fireworks image and the finger painting one stood out to me. I loved how the fireworks cover captured so much--our Disney trip, lights and sparkle in the darkness, and the love between father and son. It didn't show any faces, so it leaves the details of the story ambiguous. But is it weird that I, as the one telling the story, am not pictured?
But the bright white and fun colors of the finger-painting cover really struck me too. It felt more like a book I'd pick up, a book that was about joy. The proud mom in me loved that my Drew's face was on the cover. But does it give away too much? Would it intimidate some from beginning a book about a child that obviously has cancer?
I discussed all this with the designer and we came to a blend of the two. All the emotion and story with the fireworks cover, but with the aesthetic of the finger-painting one. We used a colorful photo of all four of us on a famous ride at Disney. Drew's face and sweet smile is included but not dominating. I could be pictured too, and Molly and Josh also will be on the cover. An amusement park ride could definitely symbolize the journey described in the book. As soon as I saw it, I knew we had it:
It was perfect.
I hadn't cried yet in the process. Hadn't felt overwhelmed by the significance of this big step, creating the cover, or specifically touched by one of the designs. Until we landed on this one. Drew's sweet smile, the family all together, the bright colors and clean look--I loved it. And to see the title, and my name at the top--This really is happening! It's coming together. Praise God! Tears fell as I studied the final design. This was it!
I still remember that moment in January of 2016 well. We'd waited in line for not too long (thanks to our Wish pass) at the Dumbo ride that last day in Magic Kingdom at Disney World. I took a photo of the two of them, MY two, at the gate. I knew, I knew we wouldn't have him with us always.
He asked me if I wanted a picture too, he could take one of me and my son. I happily accepted, and he snapped the photo, getting all of our family in it, actually.
The engine started up, and around and up and down we went. I watched Drew's enjoyment of the ride without really thinking about my own experience. I really was soaking up every smile, every sparkle in his eye that last day in the Magic Kingdom. And he was serving them up!
His time would be up 10 days after this photo. Ten days later, my Drew would be gone. And I'd have the rest of my life to wait before I get to see him, sit with him, watch him smile, again. It's still hard to believe sometimes. Just how fast he went, how someone you love so much and know so well can be just gone...
It's weird to think now that that moment, with Drew in the Dumbo car, Molly and Josh behind us, will be the face of his story. Our smiles and that scene will be what people look at right before they open the book and begin the story. It'll be what they gaze at as they close the cover while they follow along on Drew's journey. It's what they'll picture as they read about our family and my Drew in the last chapter, the last few pages of the book. I didn't know that day on the Dumbo ride just how many people would see us, be right there with us, in the future. Maybe I'd have fixed my hair a little better--ha!
Funny how some moments we realize will be defining, symbolic of a chapter or a particular struggle. And then other moments just pass by but later will become something significant.
This moment in Disney World, was both.
