Every Day is an Adventure

I was really dreading the goodbye, the actual leaving, of our house in Austin. It was a home that held so many memories, good and bad, awful and truly magical. Moving week came though, and as things began to change and be packed up, each day it felt less and less like the home I loved so much. We first took things off the walls. Drew's name did come down, and yes, I took a moment to cry...

We kept going though, and plastic bin-ed and boxed up other important things and tucked them away so the movers wouldn't accidentally take them in the truck. We purged items we done with, making several trips to the Salvation Army, to Rachel's Hope (a crisis pregnancy center in Austin), and to the dump. The transition was already underway, the moving forward had begun.

Every goodbye was so hard. But some of the hardest were the ones that actually knew Drew. Families that we were all friends with, Moms and their children that I had been pregnant at the same times with. Drew's friends, and our friends too... 

It was hard to think that all the new people we'll meet now will only know about Drew. They'll see his pictures on the wall and hear me talk about him sometimes, but won't have ever seen his smile in person. They won't have heard his voice or have felt his hug. Leaving the only people that know us Beckers as a family of four, not three, hurt my heart.

And then as the movers packed the rooms in boxes and stacked them up, it really didn't look like our house anymore. 

It was familiar, but had lost that "home" feel.

We watched the boxes leave our house the next morning. The huge moving truck got filled with almost all of our worldly possessions--and it amazed me how little space it all actually took up. Only from about that door forward:

How important we think these things are--our clothes, or furniture, our pots and pans, and décor--but really, its just stuff. In the end, if that truck crashed on the way to Chicago and none of that stuff was recovered, would it matter? Is anything truly not replaceable? I unfortunately have learned what is and what isn't replaceable. And as the semi left our street, I was filled with that perspective, and an unexpected peace. Having those you love is all that really matters in this life.

Then, it really was just a house that we slept in on our last night in Austin after all of our stuff drove off. Just walls and flooring and our air mattresses and suitcases...

It actually reminded me of Drew's body in the end. Maybe this is a little too morbid to share, too uncomfortable for some, but as death grew closer and closer, his little body became less and less Drew. And on that last day, it was clear what was left really was just shell, a "tent" as the Bible calls it (2 Corinthians 5:1). His sparkle had left, what made Drew DREW had gone to Heaven, as we explained to Molly, and it was obvious. Which made it so much easier than I had thought it would be to walk away from him that day.

It's awful that that's what I have to compare moving to, that this is what came to my mind and heart, but it's our life. What losing a child has done to us. It gives you a different perspective in life, and sometimes makes things easier to understand. And that's really how it was that morning we left 1405 10th Street in Austin. It was easier than I expected to drive away that last time, and I didn't even look back.

Seven-ish hours later, we made it to our new home in the suburbs of Chicago. And we all did pretty well on the drive--even Snickers the cat! Closing was successful, and we slept on our air mattresses again that first night in our new home.

The movers came the next morning and unloaded all of our things from the truck--nothing missing or damaged. And we've been settling in ever since. Unpacking boxes and making what seems like daily trips to Lowes and Walmart/Target as we discover more things we "need".

One of the first things we did was pick out a new washer and dryer, which were actually in stock!  So they were delivered the next day. I've never been so excited to do laundry!

Molly started school last week. The elementary school is really great, and Molly loves it already--so does Mom! We had a lot of togetherness in the last 3 weeks...

When we met her teacher the first morning, she shared with us that it was suppose to be "pajama day". But the class realized it would mean on Molly's first day she would be the only one not in pajamas. They didn't want her to feel left out, so they decided to move it to the next day. So her second day was "pajama day", and she was able to wear her pj's too. A small but thoughtful gesture that really touched my heart. It showed me that our prayers and trust in God's Word that He was going ahead of us, preparing the way, were answered. How cool it is to see His promises kept in such an obvious way, and even better that Molly recognized it too. How comforting it is to know that God is caring for my baby girl just as He's caring for my baby boy now.

Josh is doing well also. His commute has been about what he expected, and work is starting off well. He isn't feeling too overwhelmed, (like I would be!) so that is wonderful. He's been busy installing curtain rods in his free time, and other not-so-fun-but-needed things around the house. I never knew he was so handy 😉

And I'm doing okay too. Besides regular housework, unpacking boxes, and beginning to arrange/organize/decorate the new house, I've begun to put some of the other pieces into place that I enjoyed from our old home. I have found a CBS (Community Bible Study) class, a branch of the group I attended for 6 years in Austin. I actually went a morning last week for the first time! It was wonderful to know just what to expect and enjoy the company of other ladies. They weren't my ladies (yet?), but everyone was so kind. God knew I needed something I was familiar with.

We also joined the community's Rec Center/Aquatic Park last weekend. I can do workout classes during the day, Molly can do kid programs and classes, and Josh and I can go together in the evenings or on Saturdays when the kid room is open for Molly. It's not the Y from home, but it's very nice and I'm thankful to have a place to work out and meet people. Molly and I checked out the indoor aquatic park on her half day this week and we are looking forward to fun afternoons on snowy days this winter!

Each day really has been an adventure! I'm seeing that when you're in unfamiliar territory, you notice so much more than when you're kind of on auto pilot at home. And my senses have been on over drive! Noises in the house, smells of a new town (not the usual Hormel plant smell!) and the beautiful homes, buildings and parks to see! It's been fun to explore and discover new things and places to go.

Not everything has gone smoothly though. In fact, we have encountered several issues during this move/transition. That morning we left Austin, we had to jump Josh's car because it wouldn't start in the driveway as flurries were in the air. We also received late paperwork that needed to be signed and notarized for closing, causing us to have to stop along the way for a notary.

The morning the movers unpacked us, Molly and I went to get donuts for everyone. I accidentally left my wallet at home though, as I discovered when I went to pay--what an awful feeling! But, someone behind us in line paid for our order, just telling us to pay it forward. (What a nice welcome to Illinois!)

Our kitchen sink backed up last week, our first week. Ugh. We think probably from little use while the house was vacant during the last owner's remodel. But, we called a plumber, and by noon the next day, we were flowin' again...

And just a few days ago, I locked myself out of the house when Molly and I left for the bus stop. Thankfully the only friends we've made in the neighborhood so far were home and able to help me get back in. I didn't even have my phone with me, I'd left it inside! I was so grateful for such nice people willing to come to my rescue.

Gee, as I write these thing that have gone "wrong" since we've been here, it seems like kind of a lot. And in the moment, they each seemed like a really big deal. But, you know what? Each were worked out. And by the next day they were just a story to tell, not impacting our life.

Really, I haven't had a bad day yet! It's that peace from above, and our perspective I guess. What you choose to focus on. Whether you let little things add up and weigh you down. Or whether you let it go, and look for things to be thankful for. Lessons and habits I unfortunately have learned in some of the hardest of situations.

But I guess sitting here today and thinking about it, I am glad I learned them. I may not have chosen how I have gained this attitude, this mindset of gratitude and of choosing to focus on the good and not the bad, but they are useful just the same. And bring joy into my life everyday, regardless of circumstances. Something I can always keep from the precious time I had with Drew if I decide to. Some of the good that did come out of tragedy.

So I'll continue to try and keep it going. Because I have also learned that everyday is new day and we always have to be intentional in choosing how it'll go. You have to make the decision to be grateful and enjoy life every day, with every bump in the road. And even then, it's only when we have God with us that we have the power to make the right choice.

How fun life can be, truly an adventure, when we are thankful and really trust that God will take care of us. Which doesn't mean that its always a smooth ride, or that you don't encounter issues, but that it will always work out. Always.