Cleaning out Closets

And just like that, 2020 is over!  We're starting a new year, having a fresh beginning.  Or are we?

Our family had a nice last day of 2020. Like much of the year, we weren't able to do some of things we've done in the past to ring in the new year--attend a party, go out to eat, ect.  But we made the best of it.  We went coat shopping actually, and picked up take out for supper on the way home.  We watched the coverage of Times Square, but it wasn't the same this year either.  Empty streets, no excited vibe.  

In fact, the vibe was very negative, depressing.  It seemed that story after story from the year was all bad, tragic and awful.  Images of pandemic, celebrity deaths, destructive storms, forest on fire as well as cities from riots. From the content to the tone of the announcers, it was hard to watch without catching the contagious "worst year ever" attitude.  Were there no good things that happened?

In conversations online and in person, there seems to be so much hope for 2021 to be better.  But not in a traditional, faithful way--more in a "this world owes me after last year" way.  The statements and posts of many people seem to suggest that they are somehow due for a good year after what they've endured. That hardship and suffering isn't how life is suppose to go, and they were wronged.

I've offered a different prospect this year.  That the opposite is actually true according to the Bible--this world will always give us hardship and struggle.  We are foolish to expect an easy life. But we can choose to make the most of what we do have.  See the positive, and help others.  We can decide not to be a victim but an overcomer. 

Is a challenging year always a bad year?  When things are hard, does that mean there is something wrong, someone to blame? Should we count a whole year of our lives as a loss if we can't immediately see positive results? 

This fall after trying to store more things into the guest room closet without success, I decided there was no time like the present to finally go through the bins of boy clothes that were taking up so much space.  

I knew how many were filled with clothes Drew either wore or I intended for him to. Five totes of articles of clothing from sizes 24mo to 4T. The movers have brought them with us from Austin to Chicago, and then from Chicago out to Colorado. I haven't made myself go through them since I emptied his drawers and packed them away, after he wouldn't be needing them any more...

 I knew it would be painful.  His favorite shirts, my favorite shirts (which weren't always the same), shoes, little boy jammies, barely used swim suits, and a whole new size of clothes he never grew into. I've been putting it off, storing it away. Trying to avoid the pain.

But being stuck at home during a pandemic and staring at the stuff I'd like to be storing in that closet instead of stacked against a wall, gave me the motivation to just do it.  Bring out the bins, open them up, sort the clothes and let many of them go. It was time.

It hurt as much as I thought it would. The "Most Awesome Little Brother" shirt 💔 A physical reminder that we do have a little brother in this family.  That Molly is as much a big sister as every oldest daughter she meets.

And some unexpected blows--his coat that I evidently hadn't washed before putting away, and the drool (probably sicky) still on the front. Something from my son, even if it wasn't pleasant.  And a T-shirt with paint stains on it--what were you painting my sweet boy? I never thought soiled and dirty clothes would be such a treasure.

 

 I sat for three days in the guest room, sorting, crying, and taking photos to sell the stuff I  knew I didn't need to hold on to.  I went from 5 bins to not a full 3 between all the sets that were sold, junk thrown out, and the rest donated.

It felt good to let it go.  And even though it hurt, the stained clothes and familiar shirts brought him back to life if only for a moment...

It was empowering too--those bins of clothes couldn't taunt me anymore.  "Don't dare open me up, you can't handle it!"  Well I did, and I could.  I got the space back in the closet, and the room it opened up was so freeing!

Didn't a lot of us have the opportunity to have this same experience in 2020?  Circumstances kept us home and we finally had had enough, found the motivation, to clean out some of the closets in our lives. Maybe, like me, you had grief from a loss to process.  Or a strained relationship that needed attention.  Bad habits that were on full display with our people around 24/7, which needed to be kicked.  Possibly a secret that could no longer be kept without the usual distractions and crutches. 

If we were brave enough, 2020 was just the year to sit on the floor and sort it all out with a Kleenex box beside us. To let the memories, regrets, anger and resentment out of the closet and deal with them. It isn't easy, it hurts, but if we persist, healing, peace, and empowerment wait for us after we're through.  And then you have room for whatever you want in your closet, things that will fill us with joy instead of pain and resentment, in the new year.  Some of us did just this, and we are better for it than we were a year ago. Which really is the goal, right?

No, a challenging year isn't necessarily a bad year. When things are hard, it doesn't always mean that there is something wrong. Not seeing immediately positive results, shouldn't be a reason to count a year as a total loss. If we can grow, heal, and change for the better, it was a good year indeed. The world doesn't owe us a better year, we have to stand up and make it a better year. Going through your closet, working on making yourself and your life better--that's what will really make 2021 better than 2020.

I hope not to minimize the truly difficult year many had. I don't want to gloss over the loved ones who died from COVID, the businesses that were forced to close, the big life events put on hold or canceled, and the loneliness and isolation too many suffered. Believe me, I know how it feels to have your whole world stop while everyone else's seems to keeps going. Its unfair, frustrating, and worth grieving over.

Even in those times though, we have a choice. And it serves us best to not let our circumstances get the best of us.  We'll end up the winner after all if we don't give up our power to things we can't control. 

But we know that if nothing changes, nothing changes.  A negative attitude like what was all over TV last week to ring in the new year, will only bring more of the same in 2021, and unfortunately it looks like it already has.  This first week of 2021 shows that many have not learned much from 2020.  That closets are still full of anger, pain, and aggression.  We still are looking for others to blame, or someone else to take out our frustrations on.  

I hope that changes.  I hope and pray that this isn't how 2021 will go too. For our country, for our families, for the world.  But it's up to us.  Each of us, in our own homes and hearts.

There were some positive things that happened in 2020. There were beautiful sunrises and sunsets. New life joined many families. Intimate, loving memories were made while we were all stuck at home. New opportunities came up, and adventures were taken. Miracles of healing occurred as science and God's mercy worked together to treat sick patients. Scientists produced a vaccine, in record time, to eventually bring an end this pandemic. And all of us came one year closer to the day that all will be made right when the Lord returns, there will be no more sickness, true justice will prevail, and we'll be reunited with our loved ones forever 💕