Celebrating Life

We just got back from our first big family vacation, just us 3. It went so well. I really think it couldn't have gone better! Molly is at such a good age--old enough to keep her stuff together, but young enough to still have that wonder and joy of childhood.

Prayers of safe travels, safety at ports, healing from colds and protection from catching new ones, as well as Molly not getting sea sick were all answered. I'll try to start from the beginning and keep it not too long 😉

It was so fun to watch her get more and more excited as the day approached to set sail. She told everyone from her bus driver to checkout cashiers she was going on a cruise ship next week. We watched YouTube videos of our ship, and browsed through photos of our excursions. All of us could hardly wait by the last few days!

But as always, the more happy and excited we all got, the sadness built too. I found myself thinking, gosh, if only Drewy could go with us too! If only I could watch him get excited. If only Molly had her brother to squeal with excitement with...

The whole vacation experience didn't disappoint, from the 4:15AM Uber ride to O'Hare on, it was all exciting. Even before we got to the big ship the air plane rides, taxis, and hotel pool were pretty exciting for a seven year old (and me too, really!).

Then we walked up the gangway to the ship and said Bon Voyage! Leaving the real world behind for over a week.

All 8 days of the cruise were amazing. The sea days included lots of sun, food, water slides, arcade games, deck games, more food, and more sun. 

Molly participated in activities at Camp Ocean, the child zone where parents can drop off their kids a few different times. But not as much as we thought. And you know? It was okay! It was so fun to do things together. I certainly didn't mind being on Mom duty from a poolside with a tropical drink in hand😎

The port days were great too. At Grand Turk in the Turks and Caicos islands we did a glass bottom boat tour that was really neat and a good way to start the ocean activities before going to our first beach.

In San Juan, Puerto Rico, we didn't have an excursion but made our way through the cobblestone streets to the umbrella road and back again. It was pretty warm that day in between all the buildings, over 90°guys. Molly and I were hot. Feel sorry for us...😉

Then in St Kitts we did a snorkeling excursion and I was so impressed by how well Molly took to it! She really loved it. The scenery was beautiful.

We all think they saved the best port for last, though. St Maarten was absolutely gorgeous. The beach had to be one of the most beautiful I've been blessed to experience. Soft white sand, amazingly aqua water. And the waves were big enough to really get you excited, yet not too big to enjoy. I could have watched Molly play in those waves forever. And she probably could have too!

During the evenings we enjoyed "fancy" dinners in the dining room, shows, deck top movies, and parlor games.

And unlike other trips when Josh and I go alone, this time I felt no pull to go back home because Molly was with us! No wondering how she was doing, or if she missed us. She did so well, used her manners and listened to us most of the time. It was enjoyable getting to know her better, see her in a new setting and how she handles things. She's a pretty interesting kid! I think we have entered in a new phase of life where family vacations really are fun!

I guess there is only one way it could have been better. I know you all see it coming...As our family of 3 found our groove and really enjoyed each other, I just couldn't help at times wondering what the groove our family of 4 could have found. How our happy-go-lucky, outgoing and charming little Drew would have fit in. At times my heart just ached noticing the empty chair at dinner, or the lone rider on the bus/airplanes and no sibling waiting for Molly to come out the bottom of the water slide...

But in another answer to prayer, we had several moments that gave me goosebumps even in the warm sun of the tropics, as Drew's presence was felt. The moments Molly and I looked at each other and without a word knew that what just happened was especially for us. It was such a gift. Like all the rainbows at our first port, which the guide said was rare. Moments I'll carry with me forever...

Drew would have turned 5 today, April 1st.

Five years old, I can't even imagine it.

The last two birthdays have hit me hard. As this one approached I've obviously been a little distracted--which I decided as I had time to think and write on the planes yesterday, is okay.

As I wash clothes, grocery shop, put away tank tops and swim suits for a few more months today, I've been thinking maybe we did the best celebration of Drew's life so far. The week of his birthday we did just what he taught us--to make the most of each day. To embrace joy and live fully in the moment. It's not that he would've loved the trip--he DID! I have no doubt.

No, I haven't cried about his birthday yet this year. That special day we shared 5 years ago when Drewy came into this world didn't seem to hurt as much as it has in the past. Which doesn't mean we didn't remember him, that he wasn't very much in our thoughts and hearts. We continue to miss him every day, but what that looks like is changing. Maybe I won't cry every year on his birthday. Maybe we can celebrate his life by living ours.

We believe he is okay. And because of Jesus, we can rest in the hope that we will see him again. There will be beaches even more beautiful than the ones I saw last week where BOTH my children will laugh and play in the waves, and I really can sit and watch them forever...

And that hope frees us to enjoy today. To smile on his birthday, and not to cry. We can trust that it will be alright, allowing us to let joy fill us while we are in the most incredible places in the mean time. Enjoying each other and looking forward to being together again. Like a preview of the paradise we'll relish in some day for all days.



And last week in the Caribbean Ocean during Spring Break, that's just what we did❤