The Easter Story

I mentioned before that I was choosing to reflect on Jesus and all that Lent teaches us during this season as I've been experiencing the loss of Drew.  I decided that the living without Drew was enough of a challenge to tackle during Lent this year, but I would turn to the Father for comfort and Truth as I grieved.

God does not disappoint.  He has been with me every day this Lent, teaching and showing me new truths, but also instilling in me old ones.  Some have made it on here, some I've been keeping notes about in my personal journal. 

My CBS (Community Bible Study) group that I go to on Wednesdays mornings has an "Opening" to our time together given by one of the members each week.  I've felt the nudge to speak the whole year, and it finally worked out this week.  And right during Holy week!  So I put together as much of what I've gained about Easter as I could through the course of the last year up until now.  I will share it here with you all too, because the price we paid for these truths, perspectives, and understanding was too great to not share it with as many as we can.  I hope it blesses you all and He shows you a new aspect to Jesus's redemptive work on the Cross through it. 

As I prepared to speak, it was a little more difficult than I thought it would be!  I've been writing so much lately, that I found it more of a challenge to say out loud some of these thoughts and truths than I anticipated.  Which is funny, since I have always thought of myself as a speaker, not at writer.  After all, I've been trained in Broadcasting!  But in our weaknesses, God's power is perfected.  And I've been hearing just how powerful God has become through my writing.  To Him be the glory.  It felt good to speak again too, but it just surprised me how different it is than writing.  Anyway, here it is:



Hello, I’m Heidi Becker. Many of you know me and the journey my family has been on in the last year. But if not, last January, 2016, we found out my then 20 month old son Drew had cancer. And that it was widespread, stage 4. We went through 9 months of intense treatment that included 6 chemo cycles, numerous surgeries, 2 bone marrow transplants, 12 radiation treatments, and just when we thought we had the cancer beat, it came back. We entered into a clinical trial and did two rounds in November and December, but it was unsuccessful. The cancer had spread further during that time, and reluctantly felt God telling us that we didn’t have much time with him on Earth. So we enjoyed Christmas together and went on a wonderful Make a Wish trip to Disney World in January. And it was 10 days after we came home that he died, on January 19th of this year. A little over 2 months shy of his 3rd birthday.

Easter is the cornerstone of our faith. Growing up in church, it is a story that I’ve always known was significant, but it has really reached me in new, deeper ways last year and now this one. Since we are in the middle of Passion week, I thought I’d share during the Opening this morning what I’ve seen differently in the Easter story and what I’ve felt in a more profound way through our journey with Drew.

 Starting with Palm Sunday, which we read about in our study of Matthew a few weeks ago. We can picture the scene--Jesus riding on the donkey, coats being thrown down in front of him, palm branches waving, and joyful praises being shouted.  And yet, Jesus wept.  He was so upset by what he knew the people would face in the coming destruction of Jerusalem, that he was deeply grieved. It was probably even worse that His people were joyful, as he knew the suffering they'd experience. It seems out of place that Jesus would be crying during such a celebration. But reading this story again I can see myself in similar circumstances last summer, and understand the sorrow. Bone marrow transplants are awful. They give you chemo strong enough to wipe out your bone marrow, and then give you the transplant of stem cells to grow it back. The process takes a month, and it is ugly. Vomitting, diarrhea, mouth sores, fevers, bone pain, blood transfusions… Knowing what laid ahead of Drew last summer, I too wept for him before each of those transplants. At the time, he was so happy, so full of life, it seemed out of place that I was a mess when he was so full of joy. But his joy only made it worse. He didn’t even know what lay ahead of him, and I did. As a mother, it broke my heart, but we knew it needed to be done.  But that didn’t make it easier in the least. I got a glimpse of how Jesus felt as he came into Jerusalem last summer. Jesus was broken by what he knew lay ahead for His people, and they clueless….

Then later in the Holy week, I found myself relating to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane last December. The distress Jesus felt as He prayed, pleaded for His Father to change the plan, spare Him the suffering He knew was about to endure. He prayed so honestly, so passionately. He really didn’t want to do it, “Father if there is any other way…” Praying all night, on his knees. Through the Bible you can feel the unrest in Jesus, and unfortunately now I’ve felt a similarly overwhelming distress. As we saw the scans of the returned cancer, and heard the doctor’s dire warnings, we prayed, on our knees, and I know many of you did too, “Please God, if there is any other way!!” But like Jesus, I felt the Father’s resolve. And it took all the faith I had to follow in Jesus’s example and finish the pleas with, “thy will be done”, to trust Him with my baby’s life.   The next line in Luke’s gospel, “Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening him”,  I had missed somehow. But this year, as I went over this scene because I felt as if I was in it myself, God pointed it out to me. And I had hope.  It shows that God gives us the tools we need when we chose to obey Him. And I believe he sent angels to strengthen me too, just when I needed it, the week I watched Drew be born into eternity.

Then in the story, as Good Friday dawns, Jesus was turned over to the authorities, was sentenced, and the beatings began. I have felt for Mary, Jesus's mother, so much more this year.  Who watched as her baby was mocked, disrespected, beaten, and crucified. The Bible tells us she was with him, watching, weeping.  How completely awful that must have been.  As I watched the suffering my son endured, knowing there really wasn’t anything I could do, I felt the most helpless and broken I have ever felt.   It hurts in a way that is worse than physical, it truly grieves your heart. I wished with every fiber of my being that I could have taken the pain from him, but I couldn't.  And Mary, who knew Who her Son was, must have felt those feelings greatly multiplied. Oh, how often I have looked to her over the last year. To try to handle things with the Grace that the Bible tells us she was full of and exhibited. One day, I will enjoy talking with her.

As Good Friday continues, as Jesus suffered and died, feeling the weight of all of our sins, physical pain as well as emotional, I note that he wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t enjoying it. The Bible says that he cried out to God, “Why have you forsaken me?”. He felt angry.  He felt lonely and abandoned. He knew he wasn’t, He knew why He had to suffer, but that didn’t mean He didn’t feel that way anyway.  Last year as we all endured great hardships, this let me know it was okay to be upset during those times.  To not feel bad that during hard days, I wasn't joyful.  And as I am suffering now, as I feel great emotional pain, great longing for my Drew, I again can be upset.  I can cry. I can call out to God. Because Jesus did... But then what did Jesus do? He obeyed anyway. He did not quit. He finished it. And now is a time when I might not be smiling everyday, but I will finish it. I will obey, because Jesus did, for me.

And then in the story, “He bowed His head, and gave up His spirit”. Luke tells us He said, “Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit” before he breathed his last. Matthew describes the moment Jesus died as Him, “yielded up His spirit”. Have you ever watched anyone take their last breath? I know some of you have, and now I have too. You truly can see their spirit set free. It is a moment that time stands still. We know that to be true from our own experiences, and how much more so do you think that moment was when Jesus breathed his last? We read that there was darkness for 3 hours on Earth. It truly was a powerful event, when time stood still, for all who were involved. Now more than ever, I can picture that scene. And the heartache the Father felt watching it. Missing Him, feeling the loss of His Son. This Easter I understand that pain. And I am in awe, that He chose to do that, for ME. And for each one of you. What amazing love He has for us.

But, oh thank God, that is not the end of the story, there is a happy ending! On the third day, Jesus arises victorious from the grave! Hallelujah! He is alive, and therefore we all have hope! Death no more has any power over us. We are FREE. Last year at Easter I realized that meant we didn’t have to be afraid of death, because Jesus won. We didn’t have to spend the year paralyzed by the fear of losing Drew, and could truly enjoy each day we had with him. The power of the Cross gave us one of the best years of my life, even though it was also one of my worst. And this year I’m realizing that the resurrection means that we are free from death's power again.  I don’t have to worry about Drew, to wonder if he’s okay. Jesus is alive, and so my Drew is too, in Paradise, where I will someday join them. And so are all of your loved ones. We are all free to live in spite of death. We can certainly grieve, the Bible tells us several times that Jesus did. But Paul tells us to “not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.” Amen.

The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the reason we can have joy. As one of my favorite hymns goes, “no guilt in life or fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me”.  It is the reason that each of us can persevere through whatever trials and struggles we face. And we all face them. Mine has been pretty dramatic, pretty public. But so many have just as great of struggles as we have. Have felt pain as deep as mine. I pray that this Easter season you can learn from the Easter story too. How to pray like Jesus. To be honest and ask God for help in your time of need. But to choose to obey, even if you don’t get the answer you want. I pray that even as we are suffering, and feel broken, that we can endure and finish it. And by the power of the Cross we will win whatever we are fighting against, no matter what. Because we’ve already won, because Jesus has already won. I hope that can empower you from this Easter forward. We have nothing to lose, because even death canot scare us. So we can smile. We can choose joy. We can accomplish much.  Thank you, and Happy Easter.

Have a blessed Easter everyone.  Here are the kids from Drew's last Easter on earth.  I am so happy for him to experience the celebration on Resurrection Sunday in Heaven!  Really guys, he will actually be with Jesus as the angels sing His praises this weekend.  What a sight that must be, and what else could I ask for my brave little boy.  Maybe they can even hear all of our songs of praises too?  I'll sing extra loud on Sunday, just so Drewy can hear me!