Love Never Fails

The last few days I've continued to think about the past.  The choices we made, and how things turned out.  I really don't think it's about regret.  There's nothing we regret.  At the time, with the information we had, we did do what we thought was best.  It really didn't even seem like it would have made sense to not do the double transplant.  And even now, it has become protocol.  Everyone in Drew's situation following the standard of treatment will undergo that treatment.  So its not so much I'm questioning the decision we made, but how God didn't seem to keep up His end of the bargain. 

But when I think about it, there really was no bargain.  I was never promised it would work out if we did all that He asked.  The Bible teaches clearly the opposite actually--you will face trials and suffering if you choose to follow the Lord.  What it does promise though, is that He will never leave you, or forsake you.  And that everything will work out for our good eventually.  And those promises, He has certainly not broken. This story just simply isn't over yet.  If it was, we could question some of those things--but we haven't seen the end yet.  We find ourselves just in the middle of a larger plot, which we are promised will have a happy ending.  We just have to be patient and trust.





I begin most days in Drew's room.  In an oversized chair, reading, writing, praying, thinking.  Sitting, with all that I have left of my boy, almost exactly where he would have been sleeping.  I'm so thankful to have this special place right across the hall.  Instead of going to a cemetery, I can be still next to the last of Drew here on earth in my pajamas, with a coffee in my hand.  I'm so glad we decided to do it this way. 

So as I continue to pour over things this week, one morning my devotional lead me to 1 Corinthians 13--the chapter on love. "[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails."  (1 Corinthians 13:7-8)  I used to roll my eyes when I'd hear someone say that God "spoke" to  them.  Like, on the phone?  But now, I hear it.  At least for me, it's an understanding, an overwhelming feeling you get when something just perfectly answers thoughts in your head you may never have said out loud.  Or addresses something that's so deep in your heart, maybe it hasn't even made it to your conscious thoughts yet. This was one of those moments.  I got goosebumps as I read this, and knew it was meant for me right now.  Helping me combat my struggles with doubt this week.




We loved  Drew.  And if I'm even at all tempted to think we failed him, this reminded me today that because we love him, we never failed.  Because love never fails.  The tandem transplant may have failed him, his body may have failed him, this world failed him.  But our love did not.  Our love bore a lot with him.  Watching him suffer was such a heavy burden, but we bore it.   It believed with him through it all, and in him, what he could accomplish in this world.   And it certainly hoped.  Oh did we hope!  For a cure, but even after that didn't seem attainable this side of heaven, our love hoped in the bigger picture.  And it continues to now.  Through our love, we continue to bear and endure so much pain, heartbreak and disappointment.  But we also, through our love for him and for God, still believe, and have hope that it will all make sense some day.  We will see him again.  Because love never fails. 




1 John 4:8 tells us that God IS love.  So we could place "God" in those versus in 1 Corinthians.  God bears all with us.  He believes in each of us.  He has hope that every one of us will choose Him and be saved.  He endures all for us.  HE never fails.  Never.  Even if it feels right now to me that something failed, God and our love for Drew never have, and never will.

And isn't that all God really asks of us?  To love?  In Matthew, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was--to LOVE God with all your heart, and the second to LOVE one another was his response.  We are not asked to heal each other.  To fix things so none of us ever feel any pain.  But we are not just asked, but commanded, to love.  To bear with each other, believe in each other, hope for each other, and endure with each other.   I guess we didn't fail at all, because we did all those things. And love never fails.

We followed God's guidance last year, even when it was hard.  We didn't fix Drew, and neither did the treatments, but we certainly gave and received an overwhelming amount of love in the last 18 months.  I guess we are doing just what we are supposed to be.  And we won't fail if we continue to love, because love never fails.