Our Spring Will Come

This week's meetings for Warrior Wagons, INC went so well!  With the accountants, we were glad to hear that book keeping and tax filing for our small non profit are actually pretty simple, and we can do it on our own for a while.  It was interesting to hear what is required once you reach a certain level, and dream about the day when we might cross those thresholds!  But for now, we are thankful that the administrative side of the project won't give us too many headaches.

Then I went to St Mary's yesterday to discuss distribution and policy with Child Life.  That too, was very encouraging.  I put together a flyer that explains the wagons, our purpose, and our story that I shared with them.  It will be a great way to introduce what we are making available to the families we decided so they can choose if they want to accept what we have to offer.  We have a few more connections to make in our process so that no family falls through the cracks, but we are almost there. The next family who comes to Rochester with a sick little one and sees the face of this ugly disease, will at least have a parting gift on their long journey, if nothing else.  And I at least hope we may give them more.  I am leaving the door open for them to reach out to us for advice, encouragement, and support.  You guys read how hard this journey is in so many ways, it would have been nice to have a peer, someone who actually does know how you feel, to guide you along the way, or just listen. Pray that this project can accomplish just what God intends for it, in each family wherever they are. If you haven't found our faceook page, it's:

https://www.facebook.com/WarriorWagonsINC/  .

Since it was only the second time back to that Peds floor since we left without Drew 7 weeks earlier, and the first time by myself, I was a little nervous as to how I'd feel.  The drive over there is always hard, and I cried through the mile markers countless times with Drew behind me last year, playing on his tablet, as we went to face the day in whatever came next in his treatment.  Without him there with me as I drove, as I parked (he'd always remark, "round and round and round" as we'd seem to always have to circle the parking ramps up to the top before we'd find a place), and of course sitting in his wagon as I pulled him into the building, I felt very alone.  Until I reminded myself that I'm not alone.  For one, I know Christ is always with me, but also now Drew may be too in an even more special way.  And I left feeling so good.  It just felt right to be there, like we are on the right path, doing what we are suppose to be doing.  It was wonderful to see my friends in the nurses and staff, and the familiar hallways.  The memories that came to mind comforted me, made me feel closer to Drew in his "apartment" as Molly dubbed the hospital.

Besides Facebook, I have other places I can look to for reminders of last year.  A year ago in my personal journal (and I think the idea made it to Caringbridge too),  I was writing about how great the Spring feels after a long Winter.  How much more appreciated that warm sunshine is after the cold, dark days preceding it.  I wrote how much I was looking forward to the warm sunshine after this trial was behind us.  How amazing the good times would feel compared to how hard the days were at that point.  I was writing that towards the end of our longest hospitalization, 28 days.  After I took a moment (okay, several) to feel sorry for that Mother.  For Me, that was so full of hope and faith, and how crushed we were and are.  How we, it seems, never got that spring we were waiting so patiently for with Drew in this lifetime.

But then, as I am so thankful God does, He showed me a different way to look at that it. The Spring did come to us last year, just broken up.  We enjoyed the best days of our lives together in between treatments.  Those hard days did give us such a deeper appreciation and joy in the good days that did come.  We did get Drew back and 100% so much more of the time than some families do during as rigorous of treatment as we endured.  And maybe I can think of our Disney trip as our earthly reward, our Spring, after a year of hard work.  Being totally carefree, the joy on the kids faces, the memories made that I will treasure for a lifetime were definitely soul-warming.

And even though it seems another winter has come far too early, as we grieve the loss of our sunshine in Drew, I look forward to the ultimate Spring.  How much greater Heaven will feel in light of our sorrows here on Earth.  How glorious Heaven's light will be after the darkness of this world's disappointments.  Drew already is experiencing the Spring.  Already basking in the warmth of God's love and perfect peace.  I can't wait to join you, Babycakes.  But until that day, I will live in the hope of the Spring to come, especially in these cold, dark days of sorrowful Winter.

The verse that I repeated to myself so often last year, my battle cry, came on a sign I ordered through a friend this week.  It is a perfect truth to see everyday as I get up, and still such a powerful reminder:

"We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; Perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted but not abandoned; Struck down, but not destroyed" 2 Corinthians 4:8-9.